


Sleep

by MultiFandomMultiShipper



Category: Khonjin House (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Eating Disorders, Gen, If you count shooting yourself in the foot, M/M, POV Second Person, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, Which I do, ask to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFandomMultiShipper/pseuds/MultiFandomMultiShipper
Summary: There's no rulebook, no guidelines, no tutorial. You never listened to them anyways, you try to console, but having the option would have been comforting, at the very least.





	Sleep

You wonder what would happen if you died.

Not like you usually do, where you come back, the temporary shit; full on death, no take backs. You're a god now, you suppose, gods don't really die that often. You wonder if you can. You doubt it.

-

It's normal, you guess, but it's forced, and you see Spags and Gino sharing a look behind your back when they think you can't see, and you can feel your dad's stare when you pass him at night, boring down onto your neck. You wish they were better at pretending. You wish you were better at ignoring them.

-

You wonder if you need to sleep, still. You have been, but gods don't have needs, do they? You don't know, in all honesty. You've never been a god before, and the closest thing to one you've met is long gone into wherever he came from, as far as you can tell. There's no rulebook, no guidelines, no tutorial. You never listened to them anyways, you try to console, but having the option would have been comforting, at the very least. 

You stay awake that night, staring at the ceiling the whole time. You're terrified to realize you don't feel tired, and you can't tell whether it's adrenaline from the anxiety it induces or the new state of being you've found yourself in. 

(No one says anything, if they notice any differences. You can't decide if that's better or worse.)

-

You don't eat for a week, testing your boundaries. You need to know, you try to reason with yourself, you /need to know/, but their looks get more intense when you stop asking for some stupid ass pizza and on the seventh day Spags stops you on your way out while Gino's in the back, and he's got tears in his eyes and he looks so /scared/, and you can't follow through with your plan to go as long as you can when he's looking at you like that and begging you to /fucking eat something, Khonjin, /please/./ 

You start to tell him why, start to try to reason, but he's crying, and there's no way in hell you could make him more upset by telling him you haven't slept, haven't played video games, haven't done anything just because you could, just because you had to know. It feels like lying, makes your palms sweaty and your heart pick up the same way, but you try to reason that it isn't. 

(You can go atleast a week. Your gut says you could go longer. You /have to know/.)

-

You're fifteen. You feel ageless. You think you're immortal.

You shoot yourself in the foot, and it hurts all the same, (you didn't know you were waiting for that,) but you make it heal. You're powerful, now. You could help so, so many people, in so many ways, just with the /thought/, no effort at all. 

When your dad comes to check, there's a hole in the wall (the gun didn't make it) and a sheepish smile on your face (it's not real it's not real /it isn't real, Dad, /I'm sorry//) and his eyes linger longer than usual, but he shrugs it off all the same.

You're so, so tired. (You don't need to sleep.)

-

You lose it, one night, crying and screaming into your pillow, taking one of the many guns lingering around and shooting every reflective surface in sight because you are a /monster/, you're not supposed to /be this way/ you are /disgusting/. You shoot yourself in the head and you're awake again in seconds and you're wailing, you didn't /ask for this/, please make it /stop/. Your dad comes in and holds you, and you're sobbing into the suit jacket he always wears. You're not a god, you're not a mobster, you're not even close, you're fifteen, and you're Khonjin, and you're so, /so/ tired. He holds you and rocks you both and you can't stop sobbing into him, and he's never been very good at this, but he's here, and he cares, and you're an idiot to push him away. (You're a god, you're a /god/, stop it) 

You're so, so very tired.

Maybe you do need to sleep.

-

You're staring Spags in the face, and he's so sad, he looks so /sad/, (you did that, you hurt him /you hurt him/,) and you shoudnt be allowed to, but you hug him. He doesn't break the silence, and neither do you, but he knows, you think. 

You invite him over to play video games. He grins at you like he's just won jepordy and laughs into your hair.

-

You fall asleep against him, and when you wake up he's right there with you, and you decide that even if you don't need it, skipping this might be the worst decision you ever made.

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially a stream of consciousness that I haven't read through, let alone begun to edit, so if it sucks, that's why?? Thank you so much for reading, my Tumblr is xxcreepypasta4lifexx if you wanna hmu with some requests or a message!!


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